polk salad annie...

saturday the fam & i drove to memphis. we like memphis. we went there two years ago & enjoyed ourselves- zach being 16 was a hindrance to our fun, but we worked through those issues. last year we went to new orleans over easter weekend & then left the next day for l.a. the fam loves any place that has good music & good food. i was thrilled that zach is 18 now- so he's less of a liability.

saturday night we went to issac hayes. because even if he is a scientologist, he knows his music & food. as usual my mom was the whitest person in the room- which always makes me smile, because she's completely unaware. highlight: our waitress trying to get my 6'5" 165 lbs. pixies t-shirt wearing lil' bro to dance to "too much booty in the pants."

sunday we started at the gibson guitar factory. we've done the blues museum & even graceland. so this seemed to be the next logical step. the tour was actually interesting. highlight: z attempting to explain fret logistics to my mum


we had lunch at the king palace cafe. after 8pm its 21 & up, so it has to be our lunch destination, unless we leave z outside. which is somewhat tempting but seems rather cruel. i love gumbo. i love gumbo. i love gumbo. highlight: their prize-winning gumbo



sunday afternoon, zach's girlfriend andrea drove up. we went to bb kings for dinner. our timing was perfect. we landed a table by the corner of the stage. we ate (gumbo for me) and watched the band set up. the guitarist looked like a frat boy. short. white. wearing a properly worn and frayed polo. and properly frayed and worn jeans. and birks. annie, z and i were all concerned. we had come to bb's to hear blues not a wannabe hootie. but he sounded like an old black man and had a creepy bass player so we were cool. highlight: the beale street flippers (ever see The Firm?) flipping indoors and over andrea


monday we ventured to the memphis zoo. when z and i were little we lived in new orleans and had a zoo pass. i love the zoo. mom likes the lions, elephants and other big african animals. z likes anything odd, but has an especially soft place in his heart for the howler monkies. annie was highly entertained by the waterfowl exhibit. and dad as usal loves the exotic birds. i liked the pandas and the new polar bears. highlight: the nocturnal exhibit complete with bat cave.

monday night we ate at the blue fin. kinda south beach meets japan... good sushi and fish and creme brulee. highlight: my hick accent. i asked the waiter if he had a "light japanese beer." he says "we have several japanese beers." "ok. do you have a light one" waiter wears confused "do you have a mental handicapp that i cannt visibly perceive look" finally he interprets my hick and says "oh... a light beer." please remember that i was in memphis not minnesota.

we ended our evening at dad's favorite haunt, the rum boogie cafe. dad wears his t-shirt from here all the time that says "eat. drink. boogie. repeat." i love kimo! the billy gibson band was playing and we stayed all the way through the second set. i like that all four of us can sit and listen and be happy. annie fits in pretty well too. highlight: the guitar player's huge tatoo. it covered his entire forearm. it was a jesus fish with wwjd in the middle.

psalm 73

21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

i gave the readers' digest condensed version of my testimony last night; smart child who becomes bitter & cynical & sees people as inconviences, who is broken by circumstances she cant bs her way through. it was good to think though those things, those times.

If I raise my hands just lift the shade
Will I reveal a sky heavy and gray?
Will last night be a memory sweetly fading?
How I hate a morning starting out this way
On these lonely raging mornings I would whip you if I could
But Your on the mighty side of strong and the perfect side of good

If I raise my hands will you grab me by the wrists
And will you try to pull me from the fray?
And even if my fingers join together into fists
Will you hold me firmly anyway?
'Cause I would try to escape you but for everyday I'm sure
That You're on the huge side of big and the holy side of pure
Ok, hear what I say
As I raise my hands and surrender today
Ok, here I will stay
Hands in the air, singing have Thine own way

i never got into the cheesy christian music scene. i was "too cool" for that stuff. the steven curtis chapman cd always looked scared next to the violent femmes. but my dad gave me "the waiting" cd when i was in high school & i sang this song in mexico-during a period of faux-religiousity. it sums up my testimony. God drug me, kicking & screaming, to Him. my mom always says that there are people who learn by example and people who have to do it on their own. im the 2nd. plus i usually have to learn it several times...

If I raise my hands so weak and thin and frail
Will you reveal the light of mercy in your eyes?
If I cry to you faintly will my feeble whispers fail
Or will it find its way to a reply?
'Cause now that I'm exhausted I think I'm ready to admit
That I've spent all my resistance on someone I can't resist
Ok, hear what I say
As I raise my hands, in surrender today
Ok, here I will stay
Hands in the air singing have Thine own way

i didnt come to Christ willingly. i came because He called & i could see no other option. my super-human will, my immense pride, my authoritative intellect had failed me & i had no other resources to draw from. i remember sitting in mexico- bitter as usual w/church leadership, other people in general & why there was seperate sex swimming at the pool- and hearing this last verse. i had never heard anything other than God being someone that everyone graciously accepted & immediately went to as soon as you knew He was there. but that wasnt my experience. i hid. i pretended. i stalled. i busied. i was surrounded by people who lived the sacricifice of faith. i knew that it would cost. i knew that shallowness with Him would get me nowhere. i was scared.

Light from my window sill make my way to the door
I hang my head and still I know your wanting more
Over the threshold now I move across the yard
Although my will allows my every step is hard
Now in the garden I carve out six feet of space
There make my will comply lie down upon my face
Been toe to toe too long I'm tired of fighting You
I see You were too strong, 'cause I am black and blue
But now I understand what losers do to win
How every dying man is sure to rise again
So I raise my left hand one I raise my right hand two
Under the morning sun, my spirit cries to You

He called. i came. He offered up everything & i am learning how to let go.
i wont pretend that i surrendered everything immediately. daily i recognize things ive kept & the process of turning them over is ever going. but He is there holding my hand, showing me His way.

Lenten Reading List: Update 2

"Where the Roots Reach the Water: A Personal & Natural History of Melancholia" by Jeffery Smith

i enjoyed this book. i read some parts more completely than others. smith shares his story of dealing with depression, but it is laced with technical research and historical commentary. the most interesting part of this book is smith's eventual conversion to christianity & his perception of melancholia or depression. smith comes to see his melancholia as a part of his personality, his make-up. he shares historical research that shows that society has realized that depressed people are uniquely gifted and hindered by their characteristics (just like any other personality trait). i think this is a good word in our hypermedicated society. too often our goal (especially in school) is to get all of our kids to a level of energy and attention that is acceptable or manageable. however, this is not always in the best interest of the kids. society use to find the niche for the hyperactive kid, the depressed kid, etc. there was a place for them to use their gifts. the standard of normalcy wasnt always raised. good thoughts on the place of medication in our lives. and how God can use all things (depression included) to work his purposes.

andrea left this is my mailbox last night

i think i'll let her continue to date my lil'bro

just another monday...

www.saveacademicsplus.org

i should write a book.

Lenten Reading List: Update 1

1) "The Irrestible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical" by Shane Clairborne
This book was very convicting. I don't think that Shane's lifestyle is the only option for Christians, but I think the lifestyle most of us lead is not so much of an option at all. Shane talks about shunning both the prosperity and the poverty gospels. He advocates a gospel of abundence. His community is very socialistic- there is not much need for money if all share. I'm not sure about everything he advocates. But I see a need for strong convictions that alter the way we live. What is the difference between the way I live and the way my wholesome suburban non-christian neighbors live?

2) "Crunchy Cons" by Rod Dreher
I LOVE THIS BOOK! It completely fits with Clairborne's book. What would my life look like (the little everyday things) if I lived the principles I believe (or claim to believe)? Dreher covers some basic movements that I think will be worth checking out.
-Slow Food (local produce, local cuisine, no mass produced food)
- Dominionism (our responsibility to take care of creation)
- Homeschooling (not just to shield kids from sex ed. but to really take the time to teach your kids what you believe and consider important)
- orthodoxy (Dreher discusses a generation that wants a religion that requires sacrifice)
- arts & craft house (authentic beauty in everyday things; anti-suburban mass produced homes)
- and anti-consumerism in general

3) "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" by John Berendt
A narrative of the author's experiences in Savannah. His characters are amazing and his detailed picture of this eccentric southern town makes me want to move. There's a movie out. I want to find it for this weekend.

a most excellent weekend

the highlights:

1) reminded that im NOT looking for a unicorn

2) got paid by my parents to go out





3) met new nice people- reminder that there is a world out there

4) painted pottery at firefly. i pick it up on sat- hope its cute!








5) bonfire- i wore sandals so i whined alot, but enjoyed the chilly smore-filled experience

6) kimo cooked steaks. good steaks.

7) started and finished "crunchy cons" by dreher. I LOVE IT! he emphasizes old edmund burke conservatism that believes in conservering the family and the community. new topics of interest: the slow food movement, and arts and crafts houses.

8) made potato soup!

lent began today. which means no tv for me. im opening "Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places" by Eugene Peterson (do people still name their children eugene?) this afternoon & im ridiculously excited. heard d.a. carson this weekend & fell in love. car stalled on chenal during rush hour. so it's got another appointment at the shop this afternoon. yeah! i didn't go get ashes this morning because of car troubles & lack of available early morning services near me. i am constantly reminded that i am an awkward person attempting to live amongst other odd people. girls' night devotional/discussion last night was good. conversations afterwards were better. roommate late-night analysis was best.