in the bleak mid-winter...

this is an unusual time for my parents. culminating in the inevitable. their children have grown up. im ancient according to my schoolkids, and zach is an old 18. for several years now we have been subtly changing the focus of our holiday celebrations. presents have taken a backseat to an appreciation of our Lord and the comfort of community traditions.

when we were younger we lit the candles on the advent wreath because dad was determined to keep us focused. we were antsty and didnt, couldnt value the significance held in such a high-church tradition. dad did good. it is instinctual to become contemplative during this season in the stine household.

the advent has depth in our hearts.

so now i sing with mary longing for her baby. i sing with all of isreal yearning for a savior. i sing with humanity looking for the one who can free them. i sing with the church anticipating Providence's return in this bleak mid-winter. the advent always brings out the mystic in me.

O come, O come, Emmanuel And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free Thine own from Satan's tyranny

From depths of Hell Thy people save And give them victory o'er the grave

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night And death's dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come, And open wide our heavenly home;

Make safe the way that leads on high, And close the path to misery.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might, Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,

In ancient times did'st give the Law, In cloud, and majesty and awe.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

things you never knew about your teachers

this is finals week. in theory i should be beyond busy. a time of seriousness, grading papers, the pressure of the FINAL grade. and yet ive said no. i stayed up last night taping a giant santa to my window. (for more details of this story, please see daniel or michael)

ive finished three books this week and have shed a tear during the reading of each book. this is impressive only to those who know im not the kind to watch lifetime or to smile at hallmark commercials.

i read sue monk kidd's "the mermaid chair" in one sitting. huddled on my couch beneath my mum's old paisley sleeping bag. comforted by raspberry sorbet and hot towels for muscle spasms. its a flawed story. kidd has an ability to suck me in & then disappoint me. but this story had substance and understood something im grappling with- the seduction of change.

i finished a.n. wilson's biography of c.s. lewis on tuesday and i loved it for all the reasons ive already mentioned. wilson describes an eccentric old man, who often had difficulties reconciling his personal beliefs with the doctrines of his church. i cried with him when he couldnt get his church to bless his marriage with joy. i am disheartened at the distortion of his legacy.

i finished reading "the red tent" this morning. i stayed up till 2am trying to finish. i love that feeling, that sated feeling of finishing a good novel late at night. i checked out "the red tent" from the central arkansas library system. i have rediscovered my love of the library(mainly due to the realization that a goodly portion of my monthly check was supporting amazon.com and b&n. more than i was spending on food...). on pg.25 there is a note written at the bottom of the page: the stories in this book are very distorted for the true story read Genesis 27-50. i appreciate the community of a shared story.

today, while my kids watch "the muppet wizard of oz", i have leon uris' "redemption" waiting for me. im anticipating the story, the lyric. "trinity" was one of my favorite books in high school. my father's copy is worn and the pages are marked at familiar places. i fell in love with the story of the irish. i think this marks the beginning of my interest in the non-hawaiian side of my family. i remember sitting uris down & finding new delight in my green eyes and mismatched freckles. they had always seemed out of place on olive skin, but now they had a history.
and i like anything with a story.

who is taking notes for my biography?

i have been reading a.n. wilson's biography of c.s. lewis. ive enjoyed it for several reasons. but mainly because he never idealizes this man that has become an idol in many communities. c.s. lewis was many things; a child prodigy, an atheist, a lover of literature, an amateur poet, a drunken debater, a singer of lewd songs in dusty taverns & one of the most popular Christian apologists ever. he lived with a woman old enough to be his mother for much of his adult life. his best friend since childhood was gay. his religion was filtered through the north Ireland protestant politics of his youth. he could be a bully. he had very specific ideas about a woman's place.

ive fallen completely in love with him.

hes flawed. and he gives me hope. i read anne lamott's "traveling mercies" yesterday and walked away with a similar feeling. here is a story of someone's sincere search for a God she always felt but could never name. i can appreciate that. who wants to read about someone's perfect life? how depressing. mine would look dismal in comparison. i want to read about someone else who has struggled and the experiences God gave them.

in relation to yesterday's post, here is an applicable quote from jack on the subject of the nature of the church.



C.S. Lewis wrote:
This is the whole of Christianity. There is nothing else. It is so easy to get muddled about that. It is easy to think that the church has a lot of different objects--education, building, missions, holding services. Just as it is easy to think the State has a lot of different objects--military, political, economic, and what not.But in a way things are much simpler than that. The State exists simply to promote and to protect the ordinary happiness of human beings in this life. A husband and wife chatting over a fire, a couple of friends having a game of darts in a pub, a man reading a book in his own room or digging in his own garden--that is what the State is there for. And unless they are helping to increase and prolong and protect such moments, all the laws, parliaments, armies, courts, police, economics, etc., are simply a waste of time.In the same way the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men [and women] into Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became [hu]man for no other purpose. It is even doubtful, you know, whether the whole universe was created for any other purpose.

there was snow on my car this morning.but im still at work.

Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance,
and there is only the dance.
T.S. Eliot


last night my roomie & talked while watching the weather on mute. i like snow days. but i think its like Christmas-where the advent is actually more impactful (R, is this a word?). the night before a snow day is full of intense possibilities, no matter the disappointments the morning might bring.

(side note: i am at school. there is no snow day. i had morning duty. It was 32 degrees. zach got to go to school 2 hours late. but no... im not bitter.)

anyway. last night was good conversation. it reminded me that God always has a purpose. and the curly-headed roomie is so gracious to me and so good for me. whenever i think im floating by myself she reminds me that my story is nothing new in the history of humanity & God has carefully mapped my steps. this is good. she is good for me. i will never question my time in little rock, because it was worth it for our friendship.

three questions which were raised last night. any input or reading lists, etc. is appreciated. these questions are things im mulling over, attempting to give them the time, prayer & thought they demand.

What is the church?
What is the purpose of the church?
What is my purpose in the church?

my dad says that things have more urgency at 23 than 53. he ponders the same things i do, but with a perspective filled with 53 years of knowledge & experience of Providence. his birthday was december 6th. he is still thinking, loving & trusting. i adore him.

im not sure what church is supposed to look like. im not sure what my role in the church ought to be. i am sure that He sees my questioning, hears my prayers & knows my heart. and that is the reassurance i need to make it today.

Remembrance

From Franklin D. Roosevelt

To the Congress of the United States:
Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with the government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.

Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleagues delivered to the Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
...
The facts of yesterday speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.

As commander in chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.

Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again.

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounding determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.

I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, Dec. 7, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese empire.

brown-skinned girl

there is a guy at church who always says aloha to me. and i laugh because, well you would have to know him. alot of people say "aloha" and think they are the next don ho.
but most people dont understand what it means. each letter has it own thought.

the first is akahai, to be kind
the second is lokahi, to be inclusive
the third is olu'olu, to be agreeable
the fourth is ha'aha'a, to be humble
the last is ahonui, to be patient

these are the characteristics of the hawaiian people. by itself "alo" is space and "ha" is breath. so when you say aloha you say come, share my space, share my breath. i wonder sometimes if my great aunts and uncles-the kapuna (or elder ones)- are the last to remember what things were like before condos and hotels filled every space of the island. but i can remember the stories. and i will learn the songs & the words. i will live aloha & understand its significance.

mele kalikemaka

crayola lovin'

i hate it when people randomly come into my classroom.
i always feel like an idiot.
i often feel a violent urge to explain myself, my eccentricities.

today my principal brought in random unannounced visitors. wealthy looking people wearing big hats. i assume they are looking for an example of the wonderful education we provide. my principal is hoping they will be so impressed that they will feel compelled to share their wealth with the school.

in theory this is very good. if they write a fat check to the school i have a better chance of receiving my paycheck. if i receive a paycheck the school has a better chance of me showing up and being educational. win-win for everyone!

however, i am never at my best when wealthy randon unannounced visitors with big hats and bigger checkbooks come to school. today was just another typical example.

i had just reviewed. explained a very creative project that would drive the alternative assessment people crazy with joy. the kids asked good questions. i gave brilliant examples.

then the visitors walked in. right in the middle of "be nice to the art supplies, love on the art supplies. if the art supplies arent feeling the love theyll run away."

genius! send your checks! send your kids! we remind everyone that crayons need love too.